Today I freaked out a bit
So, every day since this lockdown started (except when in the torrential rain) we have gone on a morning family walk. It's something that I'd quite like to continue even after the lockdown ends as it's good quality family time and gets all of us out of the house as well.
We usually ask each other 4 questions on the walk as a sort of check-in to see how we're all doing. First, what's one thing that makes you happy today? Second, what's one thing that makes you sad today? Third, what's one thing your worried/anxious about today? Fourthly, how can I help you today?
For us it works as a way to check in with each other, it's a time for us to feel free to talk about how we're feeling in a supportive way where the people we're with can use the time to see if there are ways to help each other. But most of all it's a way we can air our feelings, frustrations, anxieties, and happiness and feel heard.
Today on our walk, I had a proper anxiety fuelled freak out. It came out of nowhere. I haven't had an anxiety attack like this one for a long time. Not that it was a full-on panic attack - it wasn't even close to what I've dealt with in the past, but it was still worrying enough.
What shocked me was that it came out of nowhere. I mean I was tired as our new puppy hadn't had a good night sleeping, I didn't really exercise (apart from our daily walk) yesterday, and I've just finished a week on lockdown (but hey, everyone in NZ has!).
But apart from those small things, it fully blindsided me. Suddenly, mid-walk, it felt like there was a huge weight on my chest and I found breathing difficult, I felt so emotional that crying was all I could think about, and I started listing all these fears that I had to my wife - my business isn't going to make it through this lockdown, I'm failing in training the puppy, I'm failing in being a supportive enough husband, I'm not spending enough time with my son.
It all suddenly became too much emotionally. Luckily I have a wife who, firstly, is an amazing listener and knows the right ways to get me into a better head-space, and secondly has seen me in much worse states than this psychologically so wasn't shocked in the least. In fact, I imagine she anticipated that this might happen at some point during this lockdown, so knew how to deal with it without invalidating my fears.
I just want to say to those of you who are struggling with this lockdown and having anxiety and/or depression issues that it isn't just you. You're not the only one going through stuff.
We can read and listen to motivational Instagram posts, blog posts, news articles and even messages from the Prime Minister until the cows come home, but when those moments hit, we need to find someone who we can talk to who will listen without judgement, give us permission to have a shitty day and then move through it, and just generally be human.
We can be as strong as an ox, but sometimes, having a good cry can be useful too.
_________________________________________________________________________
If you are feeling stressed, anxious or depressed and need someone to talk to but don't know who to call, the following organisations have people available to talk to over the phone:
We usually ask each other 4 questions on the walk as a sort of check-in to see how we're all doing. First, what's one thing that makes you happy today? Second, what's one thing that makes you sad today? Third, what's one thing your worried/anxious about today? Fourthly, how can I help you today?
For us it works as a way to check in with each other, it's a time for us to feel free to talk about how we're feeling in a supportive way where the people we're with can use the time to see if there are ways to help each other. But most of all it's a way we can air our feelings, frustrations, anxieties, and happiness and feel heard.
Today on our walk, I had a proper anxiety fuelled freak out. It came out of nowhere. I haven't had an anxiety attack like this one for a long time. Not that it was a full-on panic attack - it wasn't even close to what I've dealt with in the past, but it was still worrying enough.
What shocked me was that it came out of nowhere. I mean I was tired as our new puppy hadn't had a good night sleeping, I didn't really exercise (apart from our daily walk) yesterday, and I've just finished a week on lockdown (but hey, everyone in NZ has!).
But apart from those small things, it fully blindsided me. Suddenly, mid-walk, it felt like there was a huge weight on my chest and I found breathing difficult, I felt so emotional that crying was all I could think about, and I started listing all these fears that I had to my wife - my business isn't going to make it through this lockdown, I'm failing in training the puppy, I'm failing in being a supportive enough husband, I'm not spending enough time with my son.
It all suddenly became too much emotionally. Luckily I have a wife who, firstly, is an amazing listener and knows the right ways to get me into a better head-space, and secondly has seen me in much worse states than this psychologically so wasn't shocked in the least. In fact, I imagine she anticipated that this might happen at some point during this lockdown, so knew how to deal with it without invalidating my fears.
I just want to say to those of you who are struggling with this lockdown and having anxiety and/or depression issues that it isn't just you. You're not the only one going through stuff.
We can read and listen to motivational Instagram posts, blog posts, news articles and even messages from the Prime Minister until the cows come home, but when those moments hit, we need to find someone who we can talk to who will listen without judgement, give us permission to have a shitty day and then move through it, and just generally be human.
We can be as strong as an ox, but sometimes, having a good cry can be useful too.
_________________________________________________________________________
If you are feeling stressed, anxious or depressed and need someone to talk to but don't know who to call, the following organisations have people available to talk to over the phone:
Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Healthline – 0800 611 116
Samaritans – 0800 726 666
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